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Deliver Me by luniara Deliver Me by luniara
I had a hard time this year coming up with a new reiteration of last years piece. I loved that one and... in a way it was more peaceful. Gazing at this drawing, I can definitely see how I am feeling. It's not refined, it's not happy, it's not comforting. I am not happy. I finally came down to feeling that I am ready to go back to New York and see the memorial and face what I lost. I feel awful. In fact, besides making my mother happy... this day of the year or even coming up to this day has gone so wrong. A power surge destroyed my power supply on the computer and I was unable to finish this in time, as I always do.

Now, before I continue- understand this first:

These drawings every year are my way of letting things out. A LOT of pent up memories and feelings go into these pieces. Think for one moment, picture a 15 year old girl standing in a high school classroom doorway as she watches a building fall, knowing her only sister is inside. Sent to live with another family for months while her own family ran to New York to find some hope... no one to talk to, no one to understand. No therapy. Art was the only outlet. These are the only things I really remember. My mind has found a way to block those memories away and sometimes I wish I can remember but then again... no.

Now... with knowing I can not fully complete this piece when my power supply went out... EVERYTHING spills out.

My Husband did his best to calm me down and the best thing he could say was "What would your sister tell you right now?". It took me a moment and I knew the answer. She would've told me "Don't cry. You'll make me cry." These are probably the last words I remember from me sister when we were saying goodbye the last time I saw her. (She did cry and then we cried some more)

I was able to finally fall asleep. I told myself "as long as it's done on that day." I am very thankful my Father had a small power supply. It's 250 watts... but here it is.

Going on, today while I was heading to pay my respects to my sister at the cemetary, I realized that no matter how long it gets, it doesn't make it better. Had no TV to listen to the news or see the shows that the networks presents but reading and seeing the things around me. What was it that I read while I gazed at a newspaper in a coffee store... "70% of America has gotten over the attacks of 9/11". I'd love to know how they managed to interview 70% of the US, first of all... but perhaps in a way this newspaper is right. Even google was left bare this year (again).

9/11 will just be another Pearl Harbor and this will change nothing for me.

Besides all of that... it's okay cause I try to think it will be okay. I loved and still love my sister dearly. I pray that I can be just like her all the time. I want my brothers to look to me like we all did to her. Jaime was wonderful and every year I will tell you over and over about her just so for one moment... hundreds of people can remember her at once and know who she was.

I know all of this, as always, was TL:DR... and for those who did read, thank you. I also want to thank all of you who take the time to check up on me every year. I love you all.

To see my previous years for my 9/11 pieces:
2011 - [link]
2010 - [link]
2009 [link]
2008 [link]
2007 [link]
2006 [link]
Add a Comment:
I-draw-in-my-mind Featured By Owner Mar 7, 2014
Your Remember 9/11 art is beautiful! It must be really hard for you to continue living on with the pain of losing your sister while our society is already forgetting the tragedy of 9/11. I personally thank you for reminding me that people are still hurting from 9/11, being only 3 when it happened, it seems like another lifetime to me. But it wasn't, and so I thank you for that reminder. 
MagicMaiden36 Featured By Owner Jul 4, 2013
I can't help but cry when I read what you have written. The pain of losing a loved one in your teenage years especially when you are close to them is heart wrenching. I have lost many dear people as well. If you ever need someone to talk to I am here to listen. As an empath I can't neglect those who have been hurt. I feel the pain as my own. I am always willing to listen. Message me whenever you need to. I know I'm just a stranger to you but I try to reach out to anyone willing to give me their hand to lift them up. Even if it is just a little bit.
Redfauxofenigmas Featured By Owner Jun 25, 2013  Hobbyist Traditional Artist
I love the warm colors that you applied, the soft shading, and the form of the clouds, as well as the composition's layout: the deteriorating, steel beam (slightly off center), the central figure of the angel, and the balancing lights of the towers which are all well thought out.
What strikes me most about this image is how the colors in the background elicit hope, before my eyes focus on the expression of the angel-combined with that shade of brown- that reminds me of the tragedy of 9/11. Looking closer, the graffiti detailing adds to the idea of hope; that, like the lights behind the angel, people (youth-specifically) have come forward, beyond the pain of such a colossal loss and shown vast inner strength. This picture acknowledges the wound received, but better: it highlights the endurance of a people who have faced the terror an anonymous, hate-filled attack and reacted opposite of what the opressors wanted. The fear was momentary, but the courage to stand up and rebuild has a lasting effect.
This picture reminds me of the days after 9/11, where people demonstrated a fierce pride in our country that I did not know they had, and came together to heal those wounded by the attack, and cleanse the land where the rubble fell.
Reading the caption at the bottom sends chills through my body, and makes this piece that much more powerful as an artist's personal hommage to a lost loved one.
Reading your description brought tears to my eyes as you described the desolation of that time for you, and the loving bond you shared with an admired sister. Thinking on it, it must have been so jarring to have news and opinions of 9/11 all around you while your closest family is away. Grief as profound as losing a sister is impossible enough to deal with- the added stress of the attack could only have made it worse. I hope that no one trivialized your loss as one among many, because it's too personal to be generalized. I'm not very close with my sisters, but if one of them died suddenly I know that a part of me would fall out with them--that's how loss takes.
Thank you for making people remember in a moment through your art. This is a beautiful expression and powerful reminder of that which we can not forget.
TheComicStream Featured By Owner Apr 8, 2013  Hobbyist Digital Artist
I read this, and I had to admit that I cried. Your words, like the piece, were very moving.
luniara Featured By Owner Apr 8, 2013  Professional Digital Artist
Thank you for taking the time to comment and look at my art and also take a moment to read the story behind it.
TheComicStream Featured By Owner Apr 8, 2013  Hobbyist Digital Artist
No need to thank me. :)
This is so beautiful, just like all of your work. I know I'm really late, but I'm saying a prayer for you. Things like this aren't ever going to get less painful, but the reason you hurt is because you love. <3
Laeneris Featured By Owner Dec 15, 2012  Student Writer
This is a beautiful image, but the backstory is so incredibly sad... I know things like this never fade, but I hope you've been doing okay nonetheless. :heart:
Madmangamer364 Featured By Owner Nov 20, 2012
I came into this expecting to comment on a piece that I liked. However, now that I've read your story, I feel the need to do something a little differently this time around.

I'll be honest.. I simply can't fully comprehend the pain that you've gone through since that day. I do remember being in high school on that day, but the circumstances were much different, as I was nowhere close to the attacks, nor did I have anyone I know and love involved with that tragic event. And honestly, it took me a while to realize the severity of those attacks, much less have it impact my life in the way it has yours.

Needless to say, I sympathize for you, as well as everyone else that has been impacted so profoundly by 9/11, but it's not something that I'll ever fully understand in the way that you do, meaning that I can't support you in the way that I'd like to. That said, I have nothing but the utmost admiration and appreciation for your efforts here in honor of your beloved sister and everything that transpired because of it. Being and and willing to do this on a yearly basis, knowing the pain that comes with it is not something everyone can do. Even more telling are the obstacles you had to overcome to complete this piece.

In fact, there is something else that's present in this drawing that relates to you that you didn't mention. You said that it was not refined, happy, or comforting, but what I see here is strength. That kind of rare strength that isn't afraid to shed a tear, share a painful story, or carry such a weight on a young person's heart, when most would simply want to turn the page as quickly as possible. Even in the sadness, it is that strength that, in my opinion, defines this piece, as well as you for seeing this through.

I don't know about the "70% of America" that have apparently forgotten about 9/11, but I suppose that the cruel thing about time is that it can make people forget an important thing or two. What I DO know is that your love for Jamie is greater than the limitations of memory and I'm confident that it will stay that way. I'm glad I stumbled upon this piece, as it has enlightened me on the effect that the day still has on the lives of many people. It is my sincere hope now that this comment has at least come off as respective and considerate. In any case, excellent work on this!
luniara Featured By Owner Nov 29, 2012  Professional Digital Artist
I don't have much words to say in response to your wonderful comment but I am happy that you stumbled upon this piece in my gallery and I thank you for the comment and thoughts. <3
PieLady4 Featured By Owner Oct 10, 2012
I wish I could find the words to describe how beautiful this piece is...
luniara Featured By Owner Oct 12, 2012  Professional Digital Artist
your words honor me. <3
PieLady4 Featured By Owner Oct 12, 2012
It must be very hard for you...I mean...I can barely get over the fear I had when my father would come home every day covered in dust (he was a cop in Brooklyn), lose someone....I'm really sorry. Oh you probably hear things like this from everyone...but your art really is beautiful and holds a lot of emotion and I hope it helps you vent well.
Lyetur Featured By Owner Oct 1, 2012
I think my emote says all I could possibly say.
Rai-Kuga Featured By Owner Sep 30, 2012  Professional General Artist
I hadn't actually gotten to see it on dA, or what you had to title it. But it reminded me of this, I thought I'd share

luniara Featured By Owner Sep 30, 2012  Professional Digital Artist
Actually - that song is exactly where I got the title and the song I was listening to. EXCEPT:

You know me so well, Holly. <3 I miss you.
Rai-Kuga Featured By Owner Oct 8, 2012  Professional General Artist
We have the same kind of soul I think. I like this version too.
lyraspace Featured By Owner Sep 26, 2012
Beautiful, like every other one you did in the years past.
luniara Featured By Owner Sep 27, 2012  Professional Digital Artist
Thank you
LovesDarkness Featured By Owner Sep 24, 2012
I have to be very honest right is the first time I've logged onto my computer in months. When I logged into my DA...I had over 1000 deviations to go thru. And this one was at the very top. I have to say...I've always admired your 9/11 deviations over the years. I always appreciated your hard work and dedication and the love that you put into them. My heart always went out to you and I always spared a thought to you and your family...I always thought to myself that I would never have any idea the pain you must feel.

...I understand now.

I lost my younger brother last month. He was only 24. I can completely understand now the agony that you must be feeling. It feels like a piece of me was ripped away and all that is left is a gaping hole where he once was...and it's never going to heal. It's always going to be there. I miss him more and more every day. Three times now I have woken up in tears after dreaming about him, and I wish to God I had another chance to hug him close and tell him I love him. I'm bawling my eyes out as I type this...thinking of all the things he will never be able to do or experience. He will never be able to watch his young son grow into a man...that's the part that tears me apart the most.

All I can really say now is...I take some comfort in knowing there's at least one person out there who has some idea how I feel. And your pieces hold even more meaning to me, now that I can finally and truly understand your loss.

Jaime was very lucky to have a sister like you that loves her so completely! She must have been a truly wonderful person for you to idolize her so!
luniara Featured By Owner Sep 27, 2012  Professional Digital Artist
Thank you for your comment. Before I go on to say anything else, I want to tell you how deeply saddened I am to hear about the loss of your brother. I'm so very sorry. It is never easy and I wish I could be the one to tell you "it'll get better". I do not wish for ANYONE to ever feel this kind of pain simply to understand how I feel, EVER. I wish you did not have to go through it.

Despite all of that... know that if you do need an ear or want to vent, you can feel free to talk to me. I am glad my pieces can bring you comfort and I will surely be keeping you and your brother in my thoughts in any pieces related to my sister.
Darkendrama Featured By Owner Sep 18, 2012
I'm glad that instead of spreading hate and destruction you chose to create!
GreenEyedBrunette Featured By Owner Sep 16, 2012  Student Traditional Artist
I now know about Jaime! I am one more person who wont forget her!
luniara Featured By Owner Sep 17, 2012  Professional Digital Artist
Aw... reading this made my morning.
GreenEyedBrunette Featured By Owner Sep 17, 2012  Student Traditional Artist
:) Your artist's comment touched me, so I wanted you to know!
piratearrow Featured By Owner Sep 16, 2012
it is really stunning. Beautiful piece <3
jade161588 Featured By Owner Sep 13, 2012  Hobbyist General Artist
I have absolutely no idea why but I was looking through my pictures folder this year and found a picture of your sister being announced on TV last year during the 9/11 memorial. I don't know why that picture is there. But seeing it this year reminded me to look for this piece. I've been seeing these pictures yearly since 2007 and to be honest, I think what you're doing is amazing, even if it is very personal to you the most. You remind us not to forget. And each year that we pass this time, we remember. And the more of us that do remember, the longer ALL who were lost live on in our hearts. This picture and the pictures years prior puts the lost in our hearts.

I will not forget the face of my teacher frantically trying to get in touch with her husband. I will not forget how traumatized my uncle was seeing people fall from the buildings. I will not forget the pillar of smoke. I will not forget that each and every person in that building was loved and deserved to be loved, and left this world leaving loved ones.
luniara Featured By Owner Sep 14, 2012  Professional Digital Artist
You know, every year I look forward to hearing from you. It's the familiar 'faces' like yours that really are comforting to see time and time again.

Thank you so much, jade.
16bitmick Featured By Owner Sep 13, 2012
I read it all and actually managed to without crying... mostly. Both the piece and the writing is beautiful and I am thinking of you and your sister. You did a wonderful job making people know and remember her. I haven't been following you long enough to have seen previous years, but as soon as I am done writing, I will go through them and look at each one. Your art is a gift in therapy and talent. I am glad you have it to ease some of the weight on your heart and that you chose to share it with the rest of us.
Kyttyna Featured By Owner Sep 13, 2012
Although I could never understand /your/ loss, I do understand loss. I had a miscarriage back in '09. Some would say that I'm "over it," but I wouldn't. Because even though I get through my day to day life w/o issues or breakdowns, and there are even some days when I don't think about it, but twice a year, like clockwork, I spend an entire weekend in bed crying. Like you, I use my creativity as an outlet for all the emotions that I just can't handle on my own, though I use writing instead of drawing. And maybe some day, some 20 years from now after I've gotten over my fear of infertility, and I try and successfully bear another child, June 9th, the day of my miscarriage will pass without a tear (though not w/o mourning). But I know deep in my soul that Nov 23, my due date, will never cease to bring me to my knees. I do have to say that w/o the love and care and support from my fiance (boyfriend at the time), I probably wouldn't be here today either. I can't even imagine the depths of his strength, because he managed to set aside his own mourning and take care of mine first. I can't thank him enough for that.
piratebooty Featured By Owner Sep 13, 2012
Lots of hugs for you and your family!
AkuaSeaWolf Featured By Owner Sep 12, 2012
She shall never be forgotten. Nor anyone who lost their lives that day... I promise this with all my heart.
knightmonx Featured By Owner Sep 12, 2012  Student General Artist
great illustration
julieloveart Featured By Owner Sep 12, 2012  Professional General Artist
Another beautiful memorial piece. <3 :heart:


I hope you can find joy and ease of your suffering. I know it will never get better, and I'm not saying it should or that you should forget or anything like that. You'll deal with it in your own way, as you should.

I just hope... well... I hope you can find joy and acceptance and love within yourself.

(Sorry, if it all sounds stupid...... beautiful piece, of course.)
JoswanKodaigo Featured By Owner Sep 12, 2012

between the drawing and the words, this evokes... right in a painful place I never really knew existed anymore in my emotions.

Thank you.

I'm going to go bawl now.

DA needs a way to use tons and tons of conflicting and awkward emoticon votes.
Lunatic-Blade Featured By Owner Sep 12, 2012  Student
9/11 never touched me personally, like alot of others around here, but it still is one of the very few events that makes me cry inside when I even think about it.

It's also one of the very few events in the world that I wish so very dearly would be able to be turned backwards... Or that it was just a movie or that the people were saved from the towers...

Just felt like giving you my support, although I barely comment or fave your artworks, your 9/11 artworks have ALWAYS caught my eye. Stay strong and know that your sister is very proud of you! :hug:
lovehugsandtwilight Featured By Owner Sep 12, 2012
commander-13 Featured By Owner Sep 12, 2012  Hobbyist General Artist
Luni, I cannot even begin to know how you feel every year during this period. I don't think anyone well ever really forget or "get over it" people just deal with grief and memories differently. You chose to express your feelings through your art and to pay homage to your sister that way every year, but I'll say it again, you don't have to keep it to this specific date. If you feel like drawing for your sister, for yourself, for the both of you, then do so. No one is here to judge, we are just here to observe, and be thankful if and when you decide to share it with us.

I really really wish I could hug you and help relieve some of the pain, but all I can say is, it will get better. Though the pain may never leave, it will get better.

Know that, even if I don't always seem to be around, I continue to watch and will always support you, albeit through small notes such as this.

love you much.
Lynathia Featured By Owner Sep 12, 2012  Hobbyist General Artist
Thank you, for sharing these pieces. Being from other side of the world, and just 7 years old that time, I really really can't comprehend the emotions. There was no one close to me there, not even close to it. To be honest, I just remember adults being little upset, that's all.

This year, it's different though. I finally made myself to watch the footage, finally made myself to hear the cries. I've tried before, doing an assignment of terrorism at school, and I even rented the documentary filmed by the firemen and whatnot. I couldn't watch it. But seeing these things, no matter that they happened 11 years ago, makes me.. I don't know. It makes me die a bit inside, so to speak. It's horrible. Your way to cope with it, it's something I could never have done. I have a sister, and I love her. We're not currently talking at all, actually haven't been in almost a year, but still the thought of her not being here anymore... It hurts. So, even though I never can really truly understand what you are feeling, for everyone can only really understand the depth of their own pain, I can say, that I'm still seeing it.

I wish that it will be better for you in the future, although I don't believe it will ever really go away. Things like this rarely do. And I wish to thank you again. The series of pictures made me cry, but unlike other 9/11 stuff I've seen, not wanting to revenge it to someone. Just curl up and cry. Because they made me see, that revenge, it really isn't the answer. It just makes things worse.

I wish you everything good.
TheMoorMaiden Featured By Owner Sep 12, 2012  Hobbyist Writer
Just beautiful as always. :heart:
MeeYuu Featured By Owner Sep 12, 2012  Hobbyist Traditional Artist
I wish you all the best and I even do look forward to the next year piece.

Even if it is hard for us to understand your pain and loss, those memories will always stay with you and help you remember your sister. And even if they're bad they will help you produce such a wonderful piece of art to share your feelings with the www and even the whole world.

You have my respect and empathy.
RecklessCharge Featured By Owner Sep 12, 2012  Hobbyist Writer
Thank you, and God bless, a beautiful piece.
Komikino Featured By Owner Sep 12, 2012  Hobbyist Digital Artist
Glad you finally finished it. Hope you feel better soon.
Xandrium Featured By Owner Sep 11, 2012  Hobbyist Digital Artist
I always look forward to seeing your pieces for 9/11 every year, and I always go back and look at the other years' drawings. I find a sense of peace in it, and I can only thank you for it.

I may not have been affected by 9/11 personally, but it doesn't really matter, I always get torn up on this day, thinking of the people who were affected by it.

I wish you the best should you go to New York and see the memorial. :heart:
MoConnor03 Featured By Owner Sep 11, 2012
No going to lie I look forward to this piece every year because I know how that it means a lot to you to do these pieces. They are always beautiful and always shows the love you have for your sister.
Ban-Sidhe Featured By Owner Sep 11, 2012  Hobbyist General Artist
She would be so proud of you. Your story and your love for your sister touches us all - I'm from Long Island and somehow I didn't loose anyone dear that day but I cry every 9-11 for those who did and those who were lost. The memories will always hurt but I pray you find peace ...
darkwarrior Featured By Owner Sep 11, 2012
This is beautifully, touching.
ChelseaDanger Featured By Owner Sep 11, 2012  Hobbyist General Artist
I'm so sorry for your loss; I love the tributes each year you do for your sister and I'm always very touched by them. :hug:
FaeOfDoom Featured By Owner Sep 11, 2012
I'm glad you were able to finish it the day of. can I hug you and cry with you a while?
I hope you can find peace...

AkaiChan Featured By Owner Sep 11, 2012  Hobbyist Photographer
every year your pictures touch my heart <3
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Submitted on
September 11, 2012
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