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September 11, 2012
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Deliver Me by luniara Deliver Me by luniara
I had a hard time this year coming up with a new reiteration of last years piece. I loved that one and... in a way it was more peaceful. Gazing at this drawing, I can definitely see how I am feeling. It's not refined, it's not happy, it's not comforting. I am not happy. I finally came down to feeling that I am ready to go back to New York and see the memorial and face what I lost. I feel awful. In fact, besides making my mother happy... this day of the year or even coming up to this day has gone so wrong. A power surge destroyed my power supply on the computer and I was unable to finish this in time, as I always do.

Now, before I continue- understand this first:

These drawings every year are my way of letting things out. A LOT of pent up memories and feelings go into these pieces. Think for one moment, picture a 15 year old girl standing in a high school classroom doorway as she watches a building fall, knowing her only sister is inside. Sent to live with another family for months while her own family ran to New York to find some hope... no one to talk to, no one to understand. No therapy. Art was the only outlet. These are the only things I really remember. My mind has found a way to block those memories away and sometimes I wish I can remember but then again... no.

Now... with knowing I can not fully complete this piece when my power supply went out... EVERYTHING spills out.

My Husband did his best to calm me down and the best thing he could say was "What would your sister tell you right now?". It took me a moment and I knew the answer. She would've told me "Don't cry. You'll make me cry." These are probably the last words I remember from me sister when we were saying goodbye the last time I saw her. (She did cry and then we cried some more)

I was able to finally fall asleep. I told myself "as long as it's done on that day." I am very thankful my Father had a small power supply. It's 250 watts... but here it is.

Going on, today while I was heading to pay my respects to my sister at the cemetary, I realized that no matter how long it gets, it doesn't make it better. Had no TV to listen to the news or see the shows that the networks presents but reading and seeing the things around me. What was it that I read while I gazed at a newspaper in a coffee store... "70% of America has gotten over the attacks of 9/11". I'd love to know how they managed to interview 70% of the US, first of all... but perhaps in a way this newspaper is right. Even google was left bare this year (again).

9/11 will just be another Pearl Harbor and this will change nothing for me.

Besides all of that... it's okay cause I try to think it will be okay. I loved and still love my sister dearly. I pray that I can be just like her all the time. I want my brothers to look to me like we all did to her. Jaime was wonderful and every year I will tell you over and over about her just so for one moment... hundreds of people can remember her at once and know who she was.

I know all of this, as always, was TL:DR... and for those who did read, thank you. I also want to thank all of you who take the time to check up on me every year. I love you all.

To see my previous years for my 9/11 pieces:
2011 - [link]
2010 - [link]
2009 [link]
2008 [link]
2007 [link]
2006 [link]
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:iconi-draw-in-my-mind:
I-draw-in-my-mind Featured By Owner Mar 7, 2014
Your Remember 9/11 art is beautiful! It must be really hard for you to continue living on with the pain of losing your sister while our society is already forgetting the tragedy of 9/11. I personally thank you for reminding me that people are still hurting from 9/11, being only 3 when it happened, it seems like another lifetime to me. But it wasn't, and so I thank you for that reminder. 
~C.
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:iconmagicmaiden36:
MagicMaiden36 Featured By Owner Jul 4, 2013
I can't help but cry when I read what you have written. The pain of losing a loved one in your teenage years especially when you are close to them is heart wrenching. I have lost many dear people as well. If you ever need someone to talk to I am here to listen. As an empath I can't neglect those who have been hurt. I feel the pain as my own. I am always willing to listen. Message me whenever you need to. I know I'm just a stranger to you but I try to reach out to anyone willing to give me their hand to lift them up. Even if it is just a little bit.
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:iconredfauxofenigmas:
Redfauxofenigmas Featured By Owner Jun 25, 2013  Hobbyist Traditional Artist
I love the warm colors that you applied, the soft shading, and the form of the clouds, as well as the composition's layout: the deteriorating, steel beam (slightly off center), the central figure of the angel, and the balancing lights of the towers which are all well thought out.
What strikes me most about this image is how the colors in the background elicit hope, before my eyes focus on the expression of the angel-combined with that shade of brown- that reminds me of the tragedy of 9/11. Looking closer, the graffiti detailing adds to the idea of hope; that, like the lights behind the angel, people (youth-specifically) have come forward, beyond the pain of such a colossal loss and shown vast inner strength. This picture acknowledges the wound received, but better: it highlights the endurance of a people who have faced the terror an anonymous, hate-filled attack and reacted opposite of what the opressors wanted. The fear was momentary, but the courage to stand up and rebuild has a lasting effect.
This picture reminds me of the days after 9/11, where people demonstrated a fierce pride in our country that I did not know they had, and came together to heal those wounded by the attack, and cleanse the land where the rubble fell.
Reading the caption at the bottom sends chills through my body, and makes this piece that much more powerful as an artist's personal hommage to a lost loved one.
Reading your description brought tears to my eyes as you described the desolation of that time for you, and the loving bond you shared with an admired sister. Thinking on it, it must have been so jarring to have news and opinions of 9/11 all around you while your closest family is away. Grief as profound as losing a sister is impossible enough to deal with- the added stress of the attack could only have made it worse. I hope that no one trivialized your loss as one among many, because it's too personal to be generalized. I'm not very close with my sisters, but if one of them died suddenly I know that a part of me would fall out with them--that's how loss takes.
Thank you for making people remember in a moment through your art. This is a beautiful expression and powerful reminder of that which we can not forget.
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:iconthecomicstream:
TheComicStream Featured By Owner Apr 8, 2013  Hobbyist Digital Artist
I read this, and I had to admit that I cried. Your words, like the piece, were very moving.
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:iconluniara:
luniara Featured By Owner Apr 8, 2013  Professional Digital Artist
Thank you for taking the time to comment and look at my art and also take a moment to read the story behind it.
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:iconthecomicstream:
TheComicStream Featured By Owner Apr 8, 2013  Hobbyist Digital Artist
No need to thank me. :)
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:iconiamdragonandalsomina:
This is so beautiful, just like all of your work. I know I'm really late, but I'm saying a prayer for you. Things like this aren't ever going to get less painful, but the reason you hurt is because you love. <3
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:iconlaeneris:
Laeneris Featured By Owner Dec 15, 2012  Student Writer
This is a beautiful image, but the backstory is so incredibly sad... I know things like this never fade, but I hope you've been doing okay nonetheless. :heart:
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:iconmadmangamer364:
Madmangamer364 Featured By Owner Nov 20, 2012
I came into this expecting to comment on a piece that I liked. However, now that I've read your story, I feel the need to do something a little differently this time around.

I'll be honest.. I simply can't fully comprehend the pain that you've gone through since that day. I do remember being in high school on that day, but the circumstances were much different, as I was nowhere close to the attacks, nor did I have anyone I know and love involved with that tragic event. And honestly, it took me a while to realize the severity of those attacks, much less have it impact my life in the way it has yours.

Needless to say, I sympathize for you, as well as everyone else that has been impacted so profoundly by 9/11, but it's not something that I'll ever fully understand in the way that you do, meaning that I can't support you in the way that I'd like to. That said, I have nothing but the utmost admiration and appreciation for your efforts here in honor of your beloved sister and everything that transpired because of it. Being and and willing to do this on a yearly basis, knowing the pain that comes with it is not something everyone can do. Even more telling are the obstacles you had to overcome to complete this piece.

In fact, there is something else that's present in this drawing that relates to you that you didn't mention. You said that it was not refined, happy, or comforting, but what I see here is strength. That kind of rare strength that isn't afraid to shed a tear, share a painful story, or carry such a weight on a young person's heart, when most would simply want to turn the page as quickly as possible. Even in the sadness, it is that strength that, in my opinion, defines this piece, as well as you for seeing this through.

I don't know about the "70% of America" that have apparently forgotten about 9/11, but I suppose that the cruel thing about time is that it can make people forget an important thing or two. What I DO know is that your love for Jamie is greater than the limitations of memory and I'm confident that it will stay that way. I'm glad I stumbled upon this piece, as it has enlightened me on the effect that the day still has on the lives of many people. It is my sincere hope now that this comment has at least come off as respective and considerate. In any case, excellent work on this!
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:iconluniara:
luniara Featured By Owner Nov 29, 2012  Professional Digital Artist
I don't have much words to say in response to your wonderful comment but I am happy that you stumbled upon this piece in my gallery and I thank you for the comment and thoughts. <3
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