I Know You're There

It's really hard to think of what to say this year. This week I've been okay, believe it or not. Perhaps once or twice I caught my eyes tearing up at a song that makes me think of my sister or a 9/11 facebook post or news article where people practiced ignorance caused me to fume BUT...I am okay.

For those unaware, I am now 8 months pregnant. It is my first baby. While I had been hoping it was going to be a girl so I can name her after my sister, I feel in my heart that she'd still be proud of me (and of course, I will still love my boy). I had thought "Oh, I'm pregnant, I'm going to be SUUUUPER emotional". Maybe I'm too tired or achey to focus on it or maybe my trip to New York last year really did give me closure. Hey, it could be my impending motherhood that helps as well. I know that helped my big brother.  It goes without saying that 15 years and a pregnancy doesn't make me miss my sister any less. I'll always cringe at the very sight of the towers. I'll always get mad when someone goes "WAKE UP, 9/11 was an inside job" or says a variety of other stupid things you can say around a 9/11 family member. I keep hearing this year is the first year where school will teach 9/11 as a part of history or something. It angers me a tad, maybe even makes me jealous I can't shrug it off as easy as that.

This week, I was actually worried I wouldn't get the desire to work on this piece. There was almost a discussion that maybe I didn't NEED to finish it at all. I think this year is less about splashing my emotions on a canvas and more about honoring my sister and her memory. I think that's a good thing. Who knows, maybe it'll change next year when I have my little boy and my life is in a different direction. A part of me hopes I can continue to do this. It's a nice testament. While this year people will sit and reflect "Wow, 15 years, my gooooosh" and next year they won't bat an eye until the 20th year rolls around - I'll be able to remind folks with pieces like this and if only for a moment, you'll know who my sister was and all the others that were lost. It's a good way to keep their memories alive.

I'm sorry this isnt my usual emotional description. I admit, I had good company keeping my spirits up and my husband, as always, is there to catch me when I begin to crack. Tomorrow I am meeting with my mom and bringing flowers to the cemetery. She'll actually be speaking at a ceremony later in the evening, which I am super proud of her for doing. I hope she does well, that's for sure.

Anyways, this year, my technique surprised me. While usually I print out a blue digital sketch and clean it up with pencil to scan it in, I went full digital. The line work really pleased me. I almost was tempted to keep it black and white because of how intense it looked. I wanted to incorporate a lot of gold but also stay with my usual brown/earthy pattern I use every year. I used gold foil texture for the background to really make the center figure pop. Like last year, I incorporated a variety of flowers that symbolize different things. Sunflowers, which were my sister's favorite. Babies breath for everlasting love and innocence, primrose for renewal (new baby) and of course, the white rose for purity. Aside from the primrose, it's a similar bouquet I get made up to be placed at the cemetery.  I enjoyed working out the little details of the piece. It kept my mind focused and tamed my emotions a lot. 

If you'd like a few close up of the details, you can see them here:
img.photobucket.com/albums/v33…
img.photobucket.com/albums/v33…

As always, I truly appreciate the support through the years, especially from those of you who come around just to visit my page for this particular piece. In a way, I think I do this for you too.  

If you've reached this far of my description, please take a moment to think of the lives lost and remember them.

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To see my previous years for my 9/11 pieces:

2015 - I Can't Live Within You
2014 - Love Without Your Heartbeat
2013 - Live Without Your Sunlight
2012 - Deliver Me
2011 - Mendless Heart
2010 - Only Time
2009 - Streets of Heaven
2008 - If you came back from heaven
2007 - Who can say?
2006 - Watermarked in my mind

My sister:
www.youtube.com/watch?v=f_WQke…
www.youtube.com/watch?v=2b_b8F…
www.youtube.com/watch?v=SFDph0…


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