Only Time

If you want to skip over my wall of text, I do not blame you. I have to type it though. I need to do this so nothing is bottled up. PLEASE, respect this submission.

Another year and I sometimes think it gets easier. Isn't time supposed to heal wounds?
I become numb until the last moment where it feels like a giant wave has taken me out to drown at sea. My chest fills up with liquid and aches. My heart throbs and I gasp for air as I struggle to lift my head up from the rough waves and carry myself to the safe calm shore...

Why doesn't it heal like it does when other loved ones have passed? Stitches won't mend all the way and they come lose like they erode so easily.

I do not know what to think.

For many, it's another day. I wish it could be another day for me. I realize I like to be left alone on Sept.11. At first, all I want is company, then all I want is to let my mind wander aimlessly into thinking that my only sister is still here. I catch myself staring at her photo and coming to the realization that she isn't here and it doesn't feel real. Sometimes it's as if she never existed with the way my mind hides things. Yet, there she is- painted in my art, my thoughts, photos scatted on the walls. Do my eyes avoid them? A talking Wrinkles puppet lays on my bed, I turn it on to savor her memories that she shared with it as a child. Hold onto it like she just sat it down. I fear to forget her voice, I fear to forget her smile and personality. I aspire to be as beautiful and smart as she was and can only hope she is watching me and proud of me. I wish there was a way to know. I wish I could talk to her. I need her. My heart won't let go.



I love you so much, Jaime. I can hide it all I want and try to be brave and strong hearted, but deep inside, my heart breaks every year. I wish I could hug you so tight like we did the last time I saw you. You told me not to cry and that I'd see you again soon. I miss you so fucking badly.

So.. I would like to not forget her and share her with the world. The last video footage of my sister: [link]

Technical info-----------------------------------------------

I sketched this earlier in the year in my earthbound sketchbook. At the time I thought... "this would look cool" because of the texture, but I quickly regretted it when coloring. So, yes. I colored it in Photoshop CS4, tablet- all that jazz. As you can see, I like taking the previous years 9/11 piece and changing it up and keeping elements from the last. There wasn't as much symbolism in this piece outside of time. Time healing wounds. In High School I made a dedication video to my sister literally after 9/11 in my video class. It featured Enya's song "Only Time" and since then that song has always had significance with my sister.

If you want to see previous years, here they are below.
2009 [link]
2008 [link]
2007 [link]
2006 [link]

So yes... my eyes are sore and it's going to be a long Saturday. If it's okay, I'd like to ask for no critiques, smart ass remarks or any debates. This is simply for the love of my big Sister.

Take a moment of your day, whether you are American, Canadian, Russian- whatever... to remember those lives lost on 9/11 and ANY day that has shaken our generation.


EDIT:
I would like to thank you all for the DD... again. You don't know how much it means to me that people can feel some form of what I am feeling simply by reading my words and looking at my artwork. I am truly touched. I've been having such a terrible day and this really uplifted my heart.

THANK YOU